Ways to get rid of Bad Habits

(A) Much of the time, bad habits are also hard to break simply because they begin as enjoyable activities, which we want to repeat. (For example, we might enjoy surfing the net instead of working, or sending emails from our smartphones during meetings.)

This is because, when we do pleasurable things, our brains release dopamine, a chemical that activates the brain’s reward center. This encourages us to do those things again, and the activity becomes a habit.

(B) To break a bad habit, first commit to stopping the behavior by creating a plan, and develop self-discipline and self-awareness so that you can stay on track.

  • Is it because of stress or boredom?
  • What should I replace my bad habits with something that provides the similar benefits:
    • Feeling of excitement – What should I replace it with?
  • What bad habits are fulfilling my needs?
    • Feeling of desires that I cannot fulfill in real life
  • Replace it with something that may provide relief or take your mind off:
    • Breathing exercise
    • Change your environment: being alone, being on the net
    • Visualizing yourself getting rid of the bad habit.
    • A technique from NLP. Visualize yourself performing the bad habit. Next visualize yourself pushing aside the bad habit and performing an alternative. Finally, end that sequence with an image of yourself in a highly positive state. See yourself picking up the cigarette, see yourself putting it down and snapping your fingers, finally visualize yourself running and breathing free. Do it a few times until you automatically go through the pattern before executing the old habit.
    • Use “But”. A prominent habit-changing therapist once told me this great technique for changing bad thought patterns. When you start to think negative thoughts, use the word “”but”” to interrupt it. “”I’m no good at this, but, if I work at it I might get better later.””
    • Stay vigilant during tempting scenarios. If you find yourself in a situation where it’s easy to return to the habit, repeat “don’t do it, don’t do it” to yourself in your head.[8] If you know it will happen in advance, come up with a specific plan for exactly what you will do.[9] These conscious efforts can make it much easier to suppress unconscious habits that you would otherwise do without thinking.
  • Knowing when does the bad habits happen:
    • When does you bad habit happens 
    • How many times this bad habits happen each day 
    • What triggers the habits and causes to start 
  • It takes 28 days to get rid of the habits

Develpoing Patience

  • Start pretending to be patience and ALLAH will give patience*
  • Do it on a continual basis – do it consistently.
  • Above is the general rule that Muslim should follow
  • Very difficult characteristic to develop.

*Hadeeth – narrated by Abu Saeed Khudri found in Sahee Bukhari Hadeeth – “whoever pretends and acts to be patience Allah will give him patience.” Knowing that patience is what ALLAH has commanded and struggling with it, eventually you will get the patience.

Indeed the best deed ALLAH like is done consistently even if it is small.  

Inner Piece is that what world’s seeks – we have it if we only take it. It is in Islam

We seek the inner piece from the materialist things around us (big car, lot of money, kids, big house)– but inner piece is the affairs of the heart – a person who does not have anything can have inner piece. 

So what we need to come with is practical approach to develop gratitude and patience. But for that to take place we need to make a CHANGE – we cannot continue as we have at this point of our life.

Make gratitude and patience part of our lives

We need to reflect on death – DESTROYER OF PLEASURES – needs to go to the graveyards – get the reward, spiritual benefits – company of the righteous – we need to do as many as righteous deeds. 

Make COMMITMENT TO CHANGE – all those ready to CHANGE – real CHANGE in their lives 

Obsessive Behavior – doing the same thing, expecting different results – banging the head over the wall. Only way to do is to CHANGE.

Happiness – Action Plan

  • Happiness is a choice
  • Choose to Happy
  • Create small habits 
  • Three things to do
  • Exercise
  • Meditations – (NAMAZ – 5 times a day)
  • Positive emails – to co workers and friends 
  • Eat and sleep before work
  • When you go to work – thing of three things that you are grateful. 
  • Every 90 minutes take coffee breaks – while waiting for the coffee – write down three positive things that happened in the morning that day – do that 21 days and your brain becomes accustomed to optimism. 
  • Smile and eye contacts to people – small changes but large impacts.
  • What you can do to raise level of happiness is the key question we need to ask – as Happiness is a choice and it is the efforts we put in makes a difference.
  • The exact question is what I can do to be happy at this moment. – it is not about the comparison to when I was the most happy or not about should.
  • Strategy for Happiness: – Eliminate Negative noise – when you sleep less and are bombarded with lot of negative news, then your brain feels that it is in threatening situation. – (a) Turn on radio in the morning – (b) don’t watch news, read online – so you can choose what to read and what not to read.

(c ) Focus on the positive news – things like scientific discovery – etc., The idea is that I am not absorbed with things that I cannot control

  • Don’t check your emails before going to sleep – for example after 9pm 
  • Worrying is not love
  • Think create positive in other people lives
  • The way pessimist think is that their behaviors don’t matter – while optimists believes that their behavior matters.
  • When things like we hear that our department is going to be shut down, or the company has hired a new sales person in your department, etc.,

What should you do:

  • Stop dress harassing my brain from what tragedy happened – stop thinking what will happen with my life
  •  Is this information valid and accurate – go to the senior leadership if this information is true or not
  • look for the best alternative – if this information is valid, what is the best option in this situation. – What are the actions I can do best in the present situation to be in the better situation if that eventuality occurs?
  • Link with other people around me – establish social connections. 
  • When we feel helpless, it is to find ways to help others empowers us to be positive.

Getting Right Things Done

Getting right things done – David Allen

  • 5 stage model for the productivity: – set of the behavior – the idea is to reflect and review – make an objective decision: 
  • Head is good to recognize the pattern but not designed to remember
  • Very good job is like being good at martial arts – don’t want to do over react or under react – rapidly switch from one task to the other – situation alertness is crucial.
  • Writing things down is good for focus
  • Head is not for good holding ideas, but good at coming up with the ideas.
  • Don’t just write down the list of things to do – but also mention the action behind it – for example instead of just writing Plumbing – rather add call Mr. Plumber at this time, etc.
  • Why people procrastinate is because people believe they sense feel out of control – how do to step in – it is important to mention the physical action – getting rid of the devil.
  • Appropriately engaged – train yourself to think about it. 
  • Understanding the echo system of the engagement.
  • No Distinction – between office – office to home – office – people need to become their own executive about their life.
  • The idea is to have complete snap shot of the inventory of all my things to do – calls to make, other things to do – reviewing and re-calibrating – i.e – Inventory needs to be reviewed – regularly – to do things get over your minds.
  • 2 hours reflection – once every week – reflection time – review your list and use time to respect 
  • Life is full of surprises – when you are not doing anything – try to reduce your inventory to zero so you are prepared for next surprise.
  • Cognitive process needs rests – you need to sleep well, you need to day dream – it is the well being of your mind which helps in being creative and be able to response when surprises or ball of fire comes towards you.
  • Organizing your inventory of things to do is to creating space and what people can do internally.
  • Take everything on your brain down – things to do – all the inventory of things – but also to write down the physical actions, and take the time to review them

20 Things to DO

1. Engage in consistent action.

2. Constantly picture yourself beyond your current circumstances. Dream enormously big and hold that dream deep within your mind, body and spirit.

3. Spend time in solitude to just think and visualize.

4. Write your most important goal on a note card and look at it five times a day. Say it out loud and believe with a deep conviction that it will become a reality.

5. Drink plenty of water. It’s impossible to operate to the best of your ability and tap into your full potential if you are dehydrated. Our minds and bodies need water in order to perform at an extremely high-level.

6. Eat to win. If you don’t want junk results stay away from junk food. The bottom line is that we are what we eat.

7. Get your sweat on. One of the best productivity tools that you can utilize is to get a workout in at some point throughout your day. Whether you go to the gym or at home, make the time.

8. Pick up a book for 15-20 minutes and get lost in it. Just as our bodies need physical exercise, our minds need to stay mentally fit.

9. Spend your time around those who lift you up and encourage your vision, not belittle it. We are the average of the five people we hang out with the most. Pick your company wisely.

10. Make time to grow. Carve out 30 min to an hour and find ways to personally and professionally grow.

11. Turn off the music in your car to an audiobook. Most of us spend hours in a car daily, utilize that time to better yourself and learn.

12. Keep a journal. Record your thoughts, ideas and strategies. We have roughly 20,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Don’t let an idea or strategy go to waste. Never rely solely on your memory.

13. Think of five things you are grateful for right this second. It can be something as simple as how beautiful is mother nature or how wonderful your family is. Be grateful for what you have and you will eventually end up having more.

14. Snack on almonds. Great source of protein and other minerals and vitamins that will increase your energy levels and keep performance in peak state.

15. Say “I love you” more often. Don’t let a day go by where you don’t tell those you love how much they truly mean to you. Life is short and by simply saying the words “I love you” will bring you an immense sense of satisfaction.

16. Treat others how you want to be treated. In business and in the game of life, people matter. If you want to truly win in both, make every person you come in contact with feel important.

17. Have a green smoothie. Instead of turning to caffeine turn to the power of mother nature and blend yourself up a delicious, energizing and healthy green smoothie. One of my favorites is two handfuls of organic spinach, one apple, juice of one lemon, three stalks of celery, and ginger root. There are plenty of recipes available to you online.

18. Take a post-it-note or note-card and write down some quotes that move, inspire and empower you. There will be times throughout the day that might upset you or discourage you. Constantly feeding your mind with words that inspire and empower you will instantly get you back on your feet ready to hit the ground running.

19. Cut off all distractions. When it’s time to work, work. When it’s time to relax, relax. Discipline yourself to stay off Facebook and other social media sites when you are working on a computer. If you are in an office, hang up a “Do Not Disturb” sign if possible. Focus completely on the task at hand.20. Take full and complete responsibility for your life. Own up to your mistakes and never fall into the trap of playing the ever-so-popular blame game

What is Addiction

Addiction – is severely degraded substitute of true experience of joy.

  • Addiction is a tyrant
  • It has several method to attach 
  • It is cunning
  • Its main objective is to destroy you
  • We always have a choice
  • Instead of treating the symptoms, look at the underline addictive process
  • Addictive Process: Maximize pleasure with minimized pain
    • Feeling out of control
    • Before the above, the compulsion cycle
      • Physical or psychological dependency or craving is developed
      • Path of excessive indulgence
      • Repetitive in nature and difficult to stop
      • Addiction is true substitute of joy
  • Addictive process is caused by inner addict
    • It is false logic to skew truth, and stems from being selfish and self centered.
  • Behind Addictive process is original wounds:
    • Painful experiences from the past or present
    • Inner addicts is the psychological defense to find relief from the original wounds
    • At the core of it, it is feeling of insecurity, fear, or some inadequacy that maybe too painful to go through.
  • To Change the Addiction – we need to change at the core and not at the surface level.
    • We can only do that by looking at the addictive process
    • Part of the Addictive process is Compulsive Cycle
    • Compulsive path either takes the path of Acting out (excess) or Active in (avoidance or deprivation), and it involves behavior repetitive in nature, and difficult to stop. 
    • And it manages one emotional stage, creating a psychological and physical dependency.
    • It transcends daily or some pain into something pleasurable and wonderful.
    • We have to closely look at the intent of seeking that pleasurable and wonderful
    • The goal is to understand the perspective – why is it that when you start to stop the addiction, it comes back, and you never stop.
    • The addiction cycle is made of 5 predictive steps, which will cycle repeatedly over and over again.
      • Obsession
      • Anxiety
      • Compulsion
      • Temporary Relief
      • Distress
    • Obsession:
      • First Sign that addiction cycle is started when obsession is overwhelming mental preoccupation of destructive thoughts, irresponsible acts, sexual escape or mental fantasy.
      • And because you act out regardless of consequences, however, at the mental level there is a conscious awareness that you are pushing the boundaries here. 
      • But there is decision to off that voice and focus on the opportunism for the excitement ahead.
      • Most episodes begin with the fleeting thought, often following some sort of trigger – trigger could be the mood you want to avoid, whether it be sadness, loneliness, disappointments, anxiety, anger, or something of sexual in nature or seeing something erotic, etc
      • The compulsion is so intense that all other responsibilities are minimized.  And this obsession becomes all focus
      • At an emotional level, there is an overwhelming excitement of planning how to act out
    • Anxiety:
      • This is disturbance caused in your life as a result to your thoughts – may experience in the physical level – feelings of anxiety, irritability, agitations, fatigue, tension, and you may find you cannot concentrate tasks on your hand. You may experience sexual pressure that you cannot make this go away.
      • The more you want to push away these thoughts the more you get them, and only way to get out is to act upon it.
    • Compulsion:
      • This is made of 2 small steps – Ritualization and then acting out
      • Ritualization – it pulls you and it is automatic  – the part of the brain which is called the limbic system which stores emotions, memories, motivations, are very alert in these experiences.
      • The more emotionally charges this experience becomes, the stronger it stores in the brain to act becomes automatic.
      • The ritual mainly becomes automatic, without many efforts nor intentions. The power of ritual is that it does not need much conscious energy.
      • The pleasure/pain principle part resides in this part of the brain. Maximizing pleasure and minimizing pain – it records in its memory the ways you maximize pleasure with minimize pain.
      • So when the behavior is triggered by an emotional symbol or object, the rest of the ritual follows automatically.
      • Even watching something on the internet, or looking at the picture can trigger and the ritual follows automatically.
      • These rituals can be engrained over many years, and the effect it can have on the body.
      • The hardest part of leaving the addiction is not acting out but it is the instantaneous feeling of excitement or pleasure
      • Acting out – next phase – engaging in a behavior – acting out – like taking drugs, smoking, drinking, watching porn, etc.
      • In this phase all sorts of commitments or responsibilities are thrown out of the window. All commitments to your religious beliefs, to family, to community are all thrown out of the window.
      • The only concern at this stage it to get the momentarily fixed.
    • Temporary Relief:
      • Brief Physical relief but never brings that desired experience of joy and it is not ever lasting.  It lasts momentarily and takes it to the next step – Despair.
    • Despair
      • At this stage the reality sets in – the illusions are broken to pieces, followed by feeling of shame, feeling of lost, and feeling of given to your desires.
      • You feel dejected and humiliated –you believe you violated your spiritual belief, you cheated on your spouse, you feel you are no more the role model, you lost your values.
      • You vows to your self you will not do this again
      • You feel worse about your yourself, as a result you pull away from others and goes into isolation and portray to others that everything is ok from outside.

Personality Traits of Successful Entrepreneurs

Much is made of analyzing the personality traits of successful entrepreneurs.
Some appear outgoing. Others are introverts. Some lean right, others left. Some are flashy. Others are monk-like with their money.
Their diversity can lead one to the conclusion that there are no common personality traits among successful founders.
Rather than trying to understand who they are, let’s look at what they do.
Three things the most successful owners do differently:

  1. They read business books.
    Our most successful customers are voracious consumers of business content. When a new business book hits the bestseller list, most have either read it or summarized its central point.
    It’s not just the printed word. Many get information through audiobooks, webinars, or podcasts, others via YouTube.
    The actual medium is less important to these successful founders. What’s consistent is their continuous learning pattern and the desire to leverage other people’s smart ideas and put them to work in their own company.
  2. They join masterminds.
    In the absence of having a board of directors or a boss, successful founders often use a peer board to hold themselves accountable and gain an outside perspective when they’re stuck.
    Initially popularized by Napoleon Hill in his class book, Think & Grow Rich, a mastermind gathers a small group of peers to act as one another’s board. Often led by a chair, these groups become lifelines for owners as they navigate big decisions in their businesses and personal lives.
  3. They ask questions.
    The character trait that makes successful entrepreneurs inclined to read business books and join peer groups is their natural curiosity. They have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. No matter how successful, they never get full.

Differences between Optimistic and Pessimistic

When you think health, what comes to mind? Gym? Salads, hold the dressing? Sure, physical fitness and diet are part of being healthy, but that’s not all of it. Your mental state influences your overall well-being, too. And the true measure of mental fitness is how optimistic you are about yourself and your life. 

Optimism is the “state of having positive beliefs.” It’s synonymous with certainty, confidence and elation; enthusiasm, happiness and idealism. Pessimism is the “belief in bad outcomes.” And it’s synonymous with cynicism, despair and gloom; hopelessness, melancholy and unhappiness.

Afraid you might be more of a pessimist than an optimist? You can learn how to control your thinking in very specific ways so that you feel terrific about yourself and your situation, no matter what happens.

You may not be able to control events but you can control the way you react to them. Here are three basic differences in the reactions of optimists and pessimists:
 
1. Control your reactions and responses. 
An optimist sees a setback as temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The optimist sees an unfortunate event as a temporary event, something that is limited in time and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life and destiny. 

2. Isolate the incident.
An optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he looks at the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things that are going on in his life. 

For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and you interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, just something that happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like an optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as being inescapable. To him they are indications of a problem or shortcoming that pervades every area of life. 

3. Don’t take failure personally. 
Optimists see events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When things go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as resulting from external factors over which one has little control. 

If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by saying something like, “Oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad day.” The pessimist, on the other hand, will react as though the other driver has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him. 

The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught up in the inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability to continue talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping his mind calm, clear and completely under control. The healthy personality is more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more realistically and less emotionally than is the immature personality. As a result, the optimistic person exerts a far greater sense of control and influence over his environment, and is far less likely to be angry, upset or distracted. 

So, resolve to be an optimist. Remember to:

• Remind yourself continually that setbacks are only temporary, they will soon be past and nothing is as serious as you think it is. 

• Look upon each problem as a specific event, not connected to other events and not indicative of a pattern of any kind. Deal with it and get on with your life. 

• Recognize that when things go wrong, they are usually caused by a variety of external events. Say to yourself, What can’t be cured must be endured, and then get back to thinking about your goals.

Difference between An Optimistic & Pessimistic

When you think health, what comes to mind? Gym? Salads, hold the dressing? Sure, physical fitness and diet are part of being healthy, but that’s not all of it. Your mental state influences your overall well-being, too. And the true measure of mental fitness is how optimistic you are about yourself and your life. 

Optimism is the “state of having positive beliefs.” It’s synonymous with certainty, confidence and elation; enthusiasm, happiness and idealism. Pessimism is the “belief in bad outcomes.” And it’s synonymous with cynicism, despair and gloom; hopelessness, melancholy and unhappiness.

Afraid you might be more of a pessimist than an optimist? You can learn how to control your thinking in very specific ways so that you feel terrific about yourself and your situation, no matter what happens.

You may not be able to control events but you can control the way you react to them. Here are three basic differences in the reactions of optimists and pessimists:
 
1. Control your reactions and responses. 
An optimist sees a setback as temporary, while the pessimist sees it as permanent. The optimist sees an unfortunate event as a temporary event, something that is limited in time and that has no real impact on the future. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees negative events as permanent, as part of life and destiny. 

2. Isolate the incident.
An optimist sees difficulties as specific, while the pessimist sees them as pervasive. This means that when things go wrong for the optimist, he looks at the event as an isolated incident largely disconnected from other things that are going on in his life. 

For example, if something you were counting on failed to materialize and you interpreted it to yourself as being an unfortunate event, just something that happens in the course of life and business, you would be reacting like an optimist. The pessimist, on the other hand, sees disappointments as being inescapable. To him they are indications of a problem or shortcoming that pervades every area of life. 

3. Don’t take failure personally. 
Optimists see events as external, while pessimists interpret events as personal. When things go wrong, the optimist will tend to see the setback as resulting from external factors over which one has little control. 

If the optimist is cut off in traffic, for example, instead of getting angry or upset, he will simply downgrade the importance of the event by saying something like, “Oh, well, I guess that person is just having a bad day.” The pessimist, on the other hand, will react as though the other driver has deliberately acted to upset and frustrate him. 

The hallmark of the fully mature, fully functioning, self-actualizing personality is the ability to be objective and unemotional when caught up in the inevitable storms of daily life. The superior person has the ability to continue talking to himself in a positive and optimistic way, keeping his mind calm, clear and completely under control. The healthy personality is more relaxed and aware and capable of interpreting events more realistically and less emotionally than is the immature personality. As a result, the optimistic person exerts a far greater sense of control and influence over his environment, and is far less likely to be angry, upset or distracted. 

So, resolve to be an optimist. Remember to:

• Remind yourself continually that setbacks are only temporary, they will soon be past and nothing is as serious as you think it is. 

• Look upon each problem as a specific event, not connected to other events and not indicative of a pattern of any kind. Deal with it and get on with your life. 

• Recognize that when things go wrong, they are usually caused by a variety of external events. Say to yourself, What can’t be cured must be endured, and then get back to thinking about your goals.